Can’t seem to write lately…..

I don't know what is going on with me lately, but I just can’t seem to get in the groove of writing. I just sit at my computer staring at the blank Word program thinking eventually something interesting will come to my mind. I sometimes think about writing about what is going on in my life, but there are so many things that I just don’t feel it is right to put on the internet for all the world to see. However, I do know that once I write about things I usually feel better and can make a more level headed decision based on what I have written because in black and white on a computer screen all the issues are laid out for you to see. Do you do this or do you do that decisions seem a lot easier to make once all the fact and “figures” are on a piece of paper.

Recently I posted about the state of my personal life. There are so many things going through my head right now about what to do about things. I have finally been able to be really honest with myself and understand that NO one person can make me happy in my life….that is my job. My job is to make myself happy and if in the process I can find someone to share that with then that is a bonus. The problem I am still facing is if the person that is here in my life now is the person I WANT to share it with for the long haul.

I recently started seeing a counselor again, without anybody (except those who are reading this now) knowing about it. I have done this in the past and gone to talk to someone about different things that were going on in my life. About 3 ½ years ago I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I didn’t realize that you could have both of those things going on in the same brain, but apparently they feed off each other. So, I did two things back then….I started talking to someone about what was causing these issues and I went on an anti-depressant. I grew up in a home where taking any kind of mind altering drug was looked down upon and where going to talk to a “shrink” about your problems made you crazy. I remember my aunt (who married into our family by way of my uncle) truly believed in the art of psychology. She would go and see a counselor several times a year just to get things in her mind straight. Ultimately, when her marriage to my uncle ended he used it against her to gain custody of the kids and to keep her from getting any of the marital assets that she had helped to contribute. I truly believe that their marriage was doomed from the beginning. He really didn’t love her and had a wondering eye, she was insecure and grew up unloved and just wanted someone to love her and make her feel worthy of that love.

Unfortunately, for the two of them life had other plans and they divorced 2 years before my marriage ended. I see myself in her sometimes. I relate to how she must have felt in a loveless marriage…trying to do everything in your power to make it work make it survive, but in the end realizing that one person working on a bridge alone would not make it complete. It takes two people to make it work and more importantly it takes two willing parties to make it work….having only one willing party may make it last longer, but ultimately if the other person doesn’t want it then no amount of therapy, date nights or alone time will fix it.

My counselor recently asked me a very important question to which I replied I don’t know. To which he returned my answer with silence….a silence that seemed to last forever. I felt uncomfortable in that silence with that “I don’t know” hanging there between us…..finally he said “If you don’t know…..who does?” That was the end of our last session….three days ago. If I don’t know….who does? That has haunted me for the last three days….and the answer in my mind….is nobody….if I don’t know…and I can’t honestly answer the question that he asked (which I am not ready to share here) then nobody knows the answer. Why? Because the answer lies somewhere within me….somewhere within me lies the answer to this question….and the thing I have to decide is if I am ready to go to that place…unlock that door and see the answer. Am I ready to face that truth that I know will be so painful and so telling that once that door is finally opened I don’t know if I will be able or want to close it again.

In my mind I have a picture of a long dark hallway…with many doors on all sides. I have an old key in my hand and I know that it will only fit one door…the one door with the answer behind it. I am walking down this long dark hallway, doors of cherry wood stained with details carved into them. I know which door has the answer, I know which door the key belongs to, but I try it on all the other doors first hoping…..praying….that a happier answer lies behind one of them. Try as I might the key goes into the lock but will not turn it….will not budge…and now I am standing in front of the only door left….the only door in which I have yet to put that key…..to turn the lock and open the door to what…my freedom….my end….my future….

The thing is that opening this door does nothing for me unless I am willing to accept what is inside it. The funny part is that I already know what it contains….I know what the answer is……I know it without having to open it…..but the problem….the problem is that without opening it I can’t face it. I can’t face what I know is there….

Six years ago my divorce to my first husband was well under way. In fact in about three months it will mark six years in which we were divorced. I swore that never again would I put myself or my children through that agony again. I swore that the next time I would be smarter, wiser and more willing to make it work. One year after my divorce was final I was re-married. I know now that was a stupid move. I should have never been dating and the thing is I didn’t DATE. I found one guy who told me I was beautiful, smart, funny and instead of believing it myself….I let him make me feel good…I put my trust in him that he would give me happiness…..I wasn’t ready to believe those things myself….I needed someone else to tell me those things….over and over and over again. I needed someone else to tell me I was worthy of anything….love….flattery…jealously…anything

I had lived with parents who ultimately loved me, but only really showed it when I was successful. I lived with a mother who encouraged me to do what she thought was right for my life, rather than learning for myself what I wanted in life. That is part of the reason I was attracted to my ex…..he was in charge….he had control….he kept telling me what I needed to do in my life…..and once he was out of my life and had told me I was unlovable and unworthy….I believed him….I wanted someone around to tell me that was not the truth. I wanted someone to make me feel good to make me feel like I was worth something. Instead of looking inside and finding the strength I now know is there I brought someone else in to make it better….to fix what was broken. The thing is they couldn't fix it....only treat the symptom not the problem. Now, I am finally ready to see myself as others have told me I am for so long……I know that I am strong, I know that I am worthy and I know that I am able to survive on my own…….the question….the question that lingers….with the answer behind the door …..am I ready to face it….

Not today.

Girl Scout Cookie Time

There is a time of year in which I over indulge. It is not Christmas, Thanksgiving or New Years….it is every year when the little cookies in green boxes show up outside the shopping centers. Yes, the coveted little green boxes filled with chocolate gold. Girl Scout cookies are my favorite cookies….Then mints to be more exact. OMG, is there anything else more perfect in the world than a little thin cookie covered in chocolate.

Usually I have at least 3-4 little girls come to my house to sell cookies, but this year not one came. I waited and even hoped that at least one would come. However, nothing. Then one days last weekend as I was walking out of the grocery store I saw the Holy Grail of snacks…..a card table full of samoas, thin mints, and tagalongs….OMG I was literally in Heaven. As I dug in my purse for $20 for five boxes of the most great snacks on earth I thought about how only once a year this event comes along. How for two weeks every February we all get the lucky break of buying snacks from little girls in green uniforms asking “Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?” How can you resist that?

So every year I end up with about 10 or more boxes and slowly eat (devour) them. This is the one time a year I over indulge. I usually don’t over eat during the holidays…nor do I really over eat any other time of the year….but during this time of the year I usually gain at least 2-5 lbs.

So tell me…what is your favorite cookie!

Priceless

OMG as if my life couldn’t get any more crazy I now have a $1400 bill to pay in the next twelve months….for what you may ask. A new washing machine. The machine itself was not that expensive, but add on delivery, warranty and a matching dryer (come on they have to match) and you get $1400. Then yesterday afternoon our air conditioning unit starts to make some really awful noises….so I call the air place and LUCKY ME they have a tech in MY area. That is never ever a good sign.

So Mr. Beautiful teeth comes and looks at the unit…tap here tap there….crawl in my attic….well miss I hate to tell you this but your unit is about to bite the dust….Excuse me…it is only (1, 2, 3 carry the one) seven years old. I guess in AZ that is like ancient and I guess about the life of a air unit…and in AZ you can not have your air going out in the middle of April because you will be checking into the local hotel for relief from the heat.

So lucky me, they have a “special” running right now. I guess the special is that they will order and install the unit and the special part is ……you get air conditioning….wow…sign me up! Actually it was no interest no payments for a year…OK seeing as a new unit runs between $3-7 grand for the unit alone not including installation and add to that the $1400 that I already spent on new appliances I have now racked up about $5000 to $8000 worth of debt in one day….that is a new record for me…hell it is probably a record for most people.

I am thinking about sending the dryer back because the one I have is really OK, but in the sceme of things it is not really a huge part of the over all bill. I mean I think it was only $300…so I am probably going to keep it. But want to talk about a shocker last night looking at the paperwork for all the different things that have happened the last two days and think OMG I love my house, but I really really really hate home repairs.

Add to this the fact that I have a arcadia door that needs to be replaced, a termite treatment plan that needs to be updated and a daughter that wants her room redecorated. I guess about the time you think you are going to be getting ahead you just get beat down with one thing or another……

Oh well, what to do…life is life and all you can do is live it and learn and enjoy it….or not!

Blahg

Yes that is how I am feeling today…..blahg! Offically enter my world. The world where washing machines are broken, laundry is piled high and nobody in the house knows how to do a load of dishes that have been in sink since Monday. Nobody but ME that is. Me who comes home from work last night, tired, exhausted actually, feverish, sore and did I mention sick to piles of laundry, a washer that won’t start (thank God tomorrow the repair man comes) and my kids jumping up and down wanting to know what’s for dinner. You know what they got…..Taco Bell. Now usually I won’t feed my kids stuff like this, but they had been asking for it all week long…so WTF let them have it…..I don’t have to cook or do dishes…BONUS!

So I get home from getting Taco Bell and I see that the dishes are piled high with stuck on food and crap that I am not even sure we had in our house, but somehow it made its way into my kitchen. Scrub Scrub Scrub….hearing American Idol starting in the background….nobody notices the lady up to her elbows in bubbles and spaghetti noodles….Laughing commenting on what is happening….me….still scrubbing…

After that is all said and done I take a shower put on my PJ’s and head to bed. I don’t say good night, don’t tuck anyone in…I just did three days worth of dishes in 20 minutes with a fever too boot….get over not having a bedtime story or bedtime bath for that matter.

Needless to say I was regretting that decision this morning. The kids stayed up way later than they should have, they both smelled of some foul odor that I am sure I could identify if I had the stomach to get any closer….but would not do. The fights began there and went something like this

“Mom, she won’t eat her breakfast!”
“Mom, she said a bad word”
“Mom, she won’t let me into the fridge!”
“Mom, she just hit me!”

My reply to all of this…shut the F**K UP! Get dressed now…stop touching her…or so help me I will give you something to cry about…..

This began my day!

My New Renter is HOT!

Check out The Modern Savage. He is a great writer and is honest about how it is to be young and single.

The HOT Blog!

How cute is this….

OMG don’t you just love love love Michelle Williams with short hair. I love love love this cut. I mean how easy it must be to get up and do each day. Although these means that she had to cut off her lovely locks she had before.

I have had short hair for several years now…the only thing that has really changed has been the shape of the cut and the color. I was trying to grow my hair out about a year ago, but after about 6 months I just couldn’t handle it any longer. I had to get it cut. For me, short hair just works. I have rather think hair and it has a lot of body. I am sure if I were 20 lbs lighter, 10 year younger and had hair to my butt I could be a model…ha ha.

Anyway, I just want to know what you think of Michelle’s new hair do. I love it. And I am considering it for my hair….whatcha think?

Charitable Contributions

I work for a business that has set up a trust from which it donates to charities throughout the year. It is a great organization and they give to really good causes that really need the support. The only thing that bothers me about this trust is that each year there is a particular recipient that always complains about how they only get x amount of dollars a year when the trust makes x amount of dollars in interest income. Somehow they feel that they are entitled to a bigger slice of the pie.

This last week I was tasked with getting the year-end financial statements and charitable contributions list ready for the yearly board meeting. I do not attend the meeting and only prepare the paperwork needed when my boss asks for it. What usually happens after this meeting is that I get an updated list (usually the list of contributions with chicken scratch notes from my boss) of what charities will be donated to this year and the dollar amounts beside them. To my surprise, this complainer charity was no longer on the list. I am guessing that enough people heard of the complaints and took them off the donor list.

I know that it is really none of my business who this trust decides who/who not to contribute to on a yearly basis. I don’t have any of my money in there and therefore can not say that anyone should/should not get the money that is so generously donated from this trust. However, when I got the list back recently I was more than a little shocked to see that this charity was removed. I just hope I’m not the one that has to deliver the bad news.

A dream so real

I usually don’t remember my dreams that I have at night, but when I do it is usually because there is something profound that has happened in them that make me stop and think about life. Last night I had one of those dreams. Before I can tell you about it I have to give a little background into my life….I apologize in advance if this becomes a long post.

When I was a sophomore in high school I had my first real love. He was a guy that had been dating a girl I knew and I always thought he was a real cutie. Well, after they broke up he and I started dating. We fell in love and got very serious very quickly. Needless to say, I was crazy about him and I thought that we would spend the rest of our lives together. Well, my parents thought that we were getting to involved and basically wanted us to end our relationship, which I did….but I really really really didn’t want to.

Fast forward about 2 years, he and I still talk on occasion, have some of the same friends and just in general keep tabs on each others lives. He ends up having a baby with a girl, who he doesn’t marry and I am crushed knowing that I can never again be with him. Well, about six month after his baby is born he is killed in a car accident. It hit everyone very hard, but my family loved this guy. My brother loved him, my parents loved him, and I loved him. It was a huge and tragic loss for all of us involved. Still to this day I think about him everyday and wonder what might have been if we had stayed together.

Ok, so now to my dream from last night. I was at home and I must have bee late teens or early twenties. I had just got a call that this guy was alive and doing well. He was living with his parents and they were so happy to find out that he really hadn’t died. I was crying and trying to find out how to get a hold of him because I wanted so badly to tell him I loved him. I called his parents house, called a cell phone, called his brother, called everyone I could think of to try and find him.

Finally, he answered the phone and I could see his smile, hear his voice and almost touch him. I was crying in my sleep, I could feel the tears on my cheeks and I knew that he was alive. The next several scenes in the dream I am trying desperately to get to him. I keep missing him at home, work, school or church. Finally about the time my alarm goes off I see him and get to hug him and kiss him. That’s where it ended.

The funny thing is that I woke up with such a sense of peace and longing this morning. I was peaceful because I know that he is in a better place and I feel like he is somehow watching over me. But I longed for his friendship and embrace this morning. I longed to put my head on his shoulder and cry a million tears for losing him, for hurting him for all the things we should have said/done.

I know that this dream can never be real. I attended his funeral, I saw his body in the casket, I sang the songs, and I cried and was devastated by his death. I have forever tried to find that same feeling that we had together and each and every man in my life has come up short. I long for the love and understanding and trust he and I shared, but I know that I will never again find that with him or possibly with anyone again.

One thing I do know is that for one instant in time I was able to love him and for one instant last night I was able to be with him again.

Congratulations

My grandmother on my father's side passed away about 5 years ago. Since that time my grandfather has been living alone. Well, tonight he gave us all some news that I am so happy to share....at 79 years old he is getting re-married.

I am so happy for him.....Congratulations Pepaw.....I hope you and your new wife share many happy years together!

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter…..I CAN

“Mom, I need to make cookies for my class tomorrow.”

“OK, there is a mix in the pantry. Add an egg and butter.”

“Mom, we don’t have anymore stick butter. Can I use this stuff in the yellow tub?”

“Yes, that should be fine.”

30 minutes later

“Mom, these cookies smell funny.”

“What are you talking about?”

“They smell like burnt chocolate.”

“What did you use for butter?”

“The stuff in the yellow tub. You said it was OK.”

“What stuff in the yellow tub?”

“This stuff.”

“I can’t believe it’s not butter…..I guess now I can.”

Not to be used for cooking!

My hands look old

Above is a picture taken today of my left hand. The reason I am posting it here is because I want to know if you think I have old looking hands. I feel like my hands look like my grandmothers. They have scars and marks that make them look old, but also in general I think they look wrinkled and over used…..what do you think?

I’m not a Catholic and I don’t play one on TV

Last Wednesday was Ash Wednesday. The day that begins lent for practicing Catholics or non-practicing also as I am not really familiar with the religion. However, what amazes me is that each year I have Catholic friends that give up this or that for lent. One just gave up soda, another gave up swearing, and still another internet blogger (Annabelle) gave up internet usage (I would be out on about day 2).

This got me to thinking, what would I give up for 40 days that would be a sacrifice. I really had to think about this because I really don’t have any vices that I feel I could give up and feel like I was gaining spiritual growth from the experience. Then I thought about it….I would give up goofing off at work…and actually work (GASP, Shock,Terror)…I know. I thought about it a lot today and thought about how much more I could get done in a week if I would just give up surfing the net at work, updating my blog at work, surfing other blogs at work, or in general getting off the damn internet.

However, I know that if I did this I would be a total internet hog at home. I mean I can’t complete go without my internet…it keeps me connected to the world. I mean where else am I going to learn that the USB cable I need for my camera is only available through the manufacturing or that Britney Spears has once again lost her mind or that the next Season of Big Love on HBO will start soon. I mean these are vital pieces of information that I must have to survive…..

But I’ve made a decision….for one day (probably next week) I will no goof off for the whole day. I won’t check personal email, I won’t surf non-work related sites, I won’t text message or call anyone of a personal nature….

Thank God next Friday is a half day- ;-)

New Layout

So I have made a commitment to myself to change my layout about every 30 days or so. I figure it will keep you all interested and coming back to see what kind of changes I am making…LOL.

I choose this particular layout because I am going to CA in a few weeks and can’t wait to be on the beach. I know it is going to be cold and I know we won’t be able to swim, but just being on the beach is going to be fabulous!

I have a new post coming about chocolate chip cookies and butter….stay tuned!

Oscar Night

Tonight is the night that all the biggest and smallest stars in Hollywood and around the world gather to see who wins the big guy pictured above. Now I usually don’t watch the award shows, although I will check out the headlines the next day to see who won what….

Tonight is the night that we will see 5 African American actors nominated for awards, Jennifer Hudson, Eddie Murphy, Will Smith, Forest Whitaker, and Djimon Hounsou. This is a great thing because now we know that Hollywood is finally staring recognize that the performance is the most important part of the acting and not who’s who of Hollywood.

Right now I am sitting here watching the pre-oscar show. I am excited to see who wins what award and I will probably be up late tonight.

Hope you all get a chance to tune in!

Out of touch

It has been a few days since my last blog and it is not for lack of trying to think about something to blog about, it is basically because I don’t feel like I have anything really interesting to say.

Tonight is GNO (girls night out) for me and a couple of my close friends. We try and do this every month just go have dinner, drinks and a few laughs. I hope that tonight is fun. One of us has done something really stupid in the last couple of weeks (not me) and I think that tonight will be the night we get to give a hard time and put it to rest forever.

Tomorrow I am helping a friend pack and move to her new house she just bought. She is so excited. It is her first home that she has purchased on her own and I am so proud of her. This is a major step in the right direction for her.

On the marriage front, I am feeling BLAH. I think we are making progress, but I just don’t know for sure. There are days that I love him to death and other days that I just feel like I want out. I am going to make an appointment with a counselor this next week and see if I can work out these feelings I am having or at least be able to give it to someone else to handle.

That is about all that is happening in my life. The weather here has turned dark and cold and rainy again. I love AZ, but this winter weather has been odd. DraMa was here a couple of weeks ago (or less than that I think) and luckily she was here during a warm spell. Shortly after she left it got cold again. Bummer!

Here hoping you all have a great weekend. Hopefully my life and my postings will get better and more frequent soon……

Lisa

New Renter....

Let's give it up for One Man Band Width.....

One Man Band Width

I wish...

I wish the sun would come out here in AZ. It has been rainy and cold all day.


Here's wishing!



Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
And i say it's all right

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
And i say it's all right

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
And i say it's all right

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...

Little darling, i feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
And i say it's all right
It's all right

Adventures in Urgent Care

Before my trip this last weekend I had to make a trip to Urgent Care. Now usually when I am not feeling well I will go ahead and live with the symptoms for a couple of days and then I will have to pretty much be convinced that I need to go to the doctor. However, there is an exception to this rule as with any rule....a bladder infection. Nothing will get me to call a doctor faster than seeing blood in my urine.....TMI?

Anyway, I woke up Friday morning the day we were to leave for our trip to horrendous pain....I mean screaming agony...OK...there will be no working today....I call in sick...call my doctor...she is out until Tuesday...but you can go to the local Urgent Care...for treatment....I'm told....

Now, I am sure every major city in America has an urgent care....if you are not familiar with these types of places allow me to describe them to you....they are the last place on earth you want to go to on a Friday morning. They are basically like a small emergency room without the emergency part thrown in. You could walk into one of these places....with your arm severed and you passing out from blood loss and they will tell you to take a number. So, the last place I wanted to be was Urgent Care, but I have a trip and I know that I will not survive if I don't get some drugs. So I wait and I wait and I wait and guess what....I wait some more....HOLY SHIT...I ever wait....3 flipping hours and guess what...another lady that was there after me got seen before I did....

I don't know how many of you have ever had to suffer from a bladder infection, but let me tell you .....they are not a walk in the park. They hurt all the time until you can at last take a little brown pill that turns your urine a florescent shade of orange...that the astronauts can see from outer space....then you find relief....but guess what...you can not take this miracle pill until....you guessed it....you pee in a cup.....try being 200th in line to pee in a damn cup....come on people....

So I finally get back to see the doctor and she insists that I have some other sort of infection, Chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis….Lady I know that your day is spent picking up snotty rags and listening to old/under privileged people tell you about every ache and pain, but unless someone crawled into my bed, slept with me or my husband without our knowledge (not including the alien probes we had a few months ago…lol) I am pretty damn well certain I don’t have any of those things…..oh…but we must check…so to get 24 little white pills of Cipro to cure my bladder infection I had to endure a pap smear, a blood test and some sort of scrap of my check…I guess that want to determine if I am the mother of Anna Nicole’s baby…..

BTW…I am feeling much better!

Small Town Saturday Night

I have been out of town the last couple of days. My grandmother turned 80 years old or her birthday party to celebrate her becoming 80 years old was this weekend. We made the trip back to NM for the party. It was a really good trip. She had no idea that we were coming or that the party was even happening.

While we were there my younger daughter got to get her birthday present from my parents a little violin. She has been wanting to get one for the longest time....but I just haven't made the time to go and get her measured for one. She loves it....but I can already tell this is going to be a noisy gift...OH Well, the joys of having kids...with grandparents that spoil them rotten...

This was the first trip back home that I really felt like I was really able to just be myself and not feel like I had to put on airs for anyone. I just let my hair down and was totally who I wanted to be...and you know what....my family was OK with it. I mean I didn't do anything to shock anyone or to make anyone one think I had changed....I just was ME....and my Mom actually commented on how much she liked the "new" me....hhhmmm...wonder what she thought about me before...LOL.

The drive was the worst part of the whole experience....it sucked...it always does...10 hours in a car driving with others on the road that don't want to be there as much as you don't want to be there makes for extreme ROAD RAGE!!!

Unfortunately for me, tomorrow is a work day...I know that many places will have the day off and it will make my commute that much better...but man...right now I really don't want to get up in the morning for work...

I am sure I will have some more tales from the weekend at some point this week...at least I will have material to write about....

Happy Reading!

Can you say...WHATEVER!

Your Candy Heart Says "Cutie Pie"

You always seem to have a hot date, even though you never try to meet anyone. A total charmer, you have a natural appeal that keeps you in high demand. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: multiple dates with multiple people Your flirting style: 100% natural What turns you off: serious relationship talks Why you're hot: you're totally addicting

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

New layout...

I'm bringing sexy back...yeah....

Not really...but how sexy are the lips on my new layout...HELLO. Don't you love them...I mean I am not into chicks...total man lover here...but I could really just kiss those lips....look how full and shiny they are.....totally totally sexy.

I've been told I have sexy lips...I have big pouty lips....kind of like Angelia Jolie, but not that big. I wish I could figure out how to get my lips all sexy and red and shiny like the ones on my blog. Everytime I try I always end up with lipstick somewhere it is not supposed to be.....or I end up losing it all on a cup or donut or something....why is that....

Are big beautiful lips back in style...I mean unlike hair styles or length of fingernails or clothes I can't change what my lips are...they are big...and they are pretty kissable...but wasn't it not to long ago that small thin lips were in....if so...both of my girls are screwed because of all the things they got from me....they got my lips....KISS

What to blog about today……

Well, I guess I have already blogged about valentines day yesterday….I guess I can blog about what my valentines day was like. First of all my kids were not with me today, which was fine because I am not big on celebrating Valentines Day with my kids. I mean I love them and they are my kids, but Valentines day is for lovers….and I don’t think that means that I have to celebrate with my kids....I mean I will buy them a gift and some candy, but they don’t necessarily have to be WITH me on this day


For those of you who read my blog on a daily or even regular basis you will be surprised to find out that I had a hard time getting into celebrating this Valentines Day with my husband. We have been having some major problems in our relationship….I mean major problems. Problems so big that I was thinking about cheating or leaving or both. We are still having problems and while we are both at fault and both working on trying to get the love back in our relationship we are both really sensitive to everything each other says. I can say something as simple as I was thinking about how things used to be when we would do things together and he would take offense at it because he felt like I was putting him down..

Anyway, I didn’t really know if things are really getting better or if we are just glossing over the real issues. I think back to 6 years ago when we met each other. I was just ending my last marriage and really shouldn’t have been dating or anything. However, I wanted someone in my life. One thing led to another and next thing I know we are living together and talking about marriage….then I am walking down the aisle. I guess looking back I should have waited and thought about it more.

Does that mean that I don’t love him….no…I believe that I do love him…I just wonder if I am still IN love with him. I mean he does things that are so annoying and I just want to smack the shit outta him and tell him to snap outta it. Things that I didn’t know or realize he did before….like tap his foot when he reads or crunches his ice….or types with two fingers or drinks with his pinkie up…

I know most of these things sound really trivial and stupid…and they probably are…and I know that it is these little things that are just the symptom of a bigger problem that is not being dealt with. I know that there is something else lying in the back of our marriage that is lurking and waiting to pounce…..and I find myself questioning if I will want to fight to save this marriage once that lurking thing does rear its ugly head.

The one thing I realized about relationships and Valentines Day is that if you are in a good one and you are in love or even lust then shopping for gifts cards etc is easy. But when your relationship has hit a low and you have to find a card/gift/etc….for someone who annoys the piss outta you….it is hard. I swear I was standing in the damn Hallmark store for an hour the other day going…Nope I don’t feel this way….OH that is too mean to get….yes I want to bang his head into a brick wall….no they don’t make cards that say that…
The other day when I was watching TV and I saw the commercial with the bunny that was singing the telegram to the girl who was being broken up with because she was not in her boyfriends cell phone network….I laughed out loud. My husband was like that is mean…it was a fucking joke…ya jerk….made to sell stupid phones. For about a ½ second I thought…what a great way to breakup with someone….maybe I can do that to end my marriage….

I still don’t honestly know what is going to happen between us. I honestly don’t know if I want to work it out…I honestly don’t know how I feel about marriage at this point….

The one thing I do know….finding a card this year was HELL.

St. Valentine.......I Hate this Holiday!

I don't know if it is the commercialism of it or the amount of money that is spent or what....I just really hate it. It's not that I don't have someone to call my valentine and it's not that I don't want to celebrate that fact....but really come on...a whole day dedicated to what...hearts, roses, flowers, candy......12 more lbs. to add to the scale.

Who decided that this holiday was supposed to celebrated with all the above stuff......I hate going to the stores and seeing all the candy and flowers and pink hearts....Red...Red is my favorite color and even I am sick of it by this time of the year......

My nail guy asked me today if I wanted red nails..HELL NO.....I am sick of red....my girls got me a great gift for valentines...RED PJ's, which will sit in my drawer until next winter because I am sick of it....tomorrow...everyone in my office will be wearing pink or red or some variation....UUUGGHHH the insanity has got to stop....tomorrow I am wearing...BLACK.

Anyway......................

Happy Valentines Day!

Junie B. Jones.....

This little girl has captured my heart....actually the author that writes the book has captured my heart. Not since Judy Blume have I really enjoyed children's. This little girl has attitude, is loud...and is all about getting her way...most of the time.

My 7 year old just discoverd her and we are enjoying reading the books together. My oldest who is now 11 brought home the books in the first grade and I am glad that I purchased all of the paperbacks.....where else can you find a little girl that is so forthright to say...Disneyland is a fib...and be able to back it up...or say she wants to be Janitor on job day...and mean it...

Junie B.....You are my hero!!!!!!!!!!

Pandora’s Box

Have any of you heard of this on MSN. This is their radio/music player. I know it is not called Pandora’s box, but it is called Pandora radio. What does that make you think about in your mind……when I hear Pandora I think of all the evil things in the world. I mean wasn’t she the one that opened the box and let lose all the miseries of the world – greed, vanity, lust, slander, envy – come on now….

What was left in the box…HOPE. Why didn’t hope come out to play? Was it afraid it might get beat up by the other things in the world…..and why was Hope the only good thing in the box….well…wait…there was greed and lust….those are both good right?

Who decided to leave Pandora alone with the box….I mean if there was that much bad stuff inside did it not have a lock on it….or a combination….and why was she snooping anyway. What was she hoping to find…gold, jewels…the next issue of People Magazine? Once she opened it and found all the bad stuff had escaped…how did she plan on hiding it….I don’t think OOPPS would cover it….I mean the world went dark and all the evil things were being played out….how could she just say…sorry…didn’t mean to do it…

I know this post makes no sense…and for that I am sorry….maybe if my day gets better I will try again later…

I guess my favorite things post...

Got posted...I didn't know it....

Here is it.....click here to read it...

Picture with no braces

OK...Here it is as promised...a pic without my braces. I got my retainers today....not fun...they are clear and hurt like hell

My daughter calls the shirt I am wearing my mint chocolate chip shirt....LOL

Friends

I have a MySpace account that I check on a daily basis. I mainly got into MySpace because my daughter was on there and I wanted to see who she had as friends and mainly to keep her safe.

However, after being on there several months I have learned that I really really really enjoy it. My husband hates that I spend so much time online between blogger and MySpace. I have found so many old friends from college (and a few from high school). I have had a chance to catch up with some people that I thought would never be in my life again.

For example:

A college roommate who now has a child of her own and a single mother....she is one of the strongest people I know and has the cutest little girl.

My good friend from college that I absolutely fell in love with and was so honored when he shared a huge life secret with me.

My study partner in college who without her I would have falled Governmental Accounting and Statistics

My soriety sisters in college that showed me how to walk home drunk, how to have multiple boyfriends, how to get free lunch in the cafeteria

A high school friend whose parents and my parents were best friends and we would get to hang out on the weekends while our parents played games and such

My long lost cousin....well not really long lost, but I talk to her way more now than I ever did growing up and we were like sisters

My very best friend from high school who I lost touch with and really don't know why...I am sure there was a reason and I am sure it was dumb

Anyway I am not saying that MySpace is for everyone.....but if you are curious....take a peek

Rachel Emma

I want to take a moment to ask all those who come here to read (whether you comment or not) to go over and give Rachel Emma a big dose of encouragement.

She just recently had to make a big decision about her life (that is literally life vs. death) and has made a very courageous choice.

Let's all go over an encourage her!

Favorite Things Post

OK...I have a favorite things post that I tried to put together yesterday....and @#$(&%@#()&*#$ blogger crashed while I was posting it...and do you think any of it was saved...NO....

So I will re-create it again....it will probably be better this time...

BTW....thanks to EC for the links...there will soon be a new look to my blogger

and Thanks to LIV for the comment about the new edgier posts.....yeah...I am now taking on a no holds barred approach...

Love me or leave me....or maybe love me and then get the H*LL out....LOL.

Andrew.....thanks for commenting on my blog...it was great to see you here...

1 AM and now I am sleepy

So last night found me up late...why you ask...well let me tell you. Because my husband who is a strange work of something decided to go to a midnight release for the Stephen King comic book called Dark Towers. Not I don't really give a flying flip about anything to do with comic books and to be honest it is usually a huge point of contention between us.

However, I am a good wife and I let him go...ha ha....I was actually looking forward to him being gone when I was ready for bed because I really thought...Hey I can fall asleep with the TV on...and I can have the whole bed to myself for about 2 full hours.

Well...WTF...I couldn't fall asleep for the life of me. I tried everything...watched the history channel....got sucked into some show there...switched to another channel...discovery...nope...something about whales on that channel that I totally got sucked into....DAMN...

So needless to say I am pooped and tired today...I just wish it had been for a really good reason...like all night sex or a really good party in which men got naked...or being on a winning streak in Vegas...but no...I am pooped because I decided to watch "Why Colombine happened" and "The migrating patterns of the blue whale".....I feel so OLD

NO MORE BRACES

I don't know how many of you know but about a year ago I had braces put on my teeth to fix a couple of slight problem areas. Nothing to major, but enough to make me feel like I wanted to get them fixed. In addition, my daughter was getting phase one braces so I thought that it would be a good experience for the two of us to have together.

Well, yesterday was D-day so to speak. It was the day the braces came off. Now when I was bout 12 I got braces and I remember a very different experience of the braces coming off. It was painful and my teeth hurt for days after. Plus I had to wait a week to get my retainer. By the time my teeth had moved slighty enough for the retainer to give me a headache for a few more days until everything adjusted.

Being young and not wanting to really pay attention or listen to anyone I didn't wear my retainer nor did I have my wisdom teeth pulled like I should have. So my teeth shifted...thus the desire to have braces a second time.

Yesterday it was realitively painless. The most painful part was the polishing of my teeth to get all the crap off of them (glue and buildup) but other than that it was not painful. My gums are a litte sore from neglect....it is hard to floss well with braces and my teeth are a little sore today. But my teeth are so pretty.

I get my retainers tomorrow and I am so excited because I get clear retainers. They are basically like permanent invisaligns. My orthodontist has said that as long as I wear them my teeth should never shift. I am so excited and I plan on doing it this time....I can't afford not to.

Once I get a decent pic I will post me and my new (straighter) smile!

Favorite Things about the Internet

I decided since I am so addicted to blogging and other things on the internet I would do a listing of all the things I love about it.

1. Blogger.com - I love blogger for several reasons...it is free, it is addicting and you can be a vouyer of others lives with just a few clicks
2. Google Images - where else on the internet can you find pics/gifs/clipart of everything you need to put on your blog/myspace/homepage. This place has so many images you could spend hours just looking at all of them
3. DOOCE.COM - This lady is one of my favorites to read....I love love love her
4. MSN Messenger (Yahoo!Messenger) - I don't know if these really count as part of the internet, but I love them both equally.....I love being able to chat with anyone anywhere anytime...and my typing skills have improved so much.....
5. Romulus2 - the best internet short hand list of all time....love to go here and use it in number 4 to confuse my peeps
6. http://www.blogexplosion.com/ - my new addicition that feeds my blog addiction...go there...be amazed...LOL
7. Free internet mail.....love it (gmail, hotmail,yahoo mail)
8. MySpace - love it....made so many new friends....found so many old ones....love the music section...love the comedy section.....love the everything else section
9. Online banking.....hello...i can surf, chat and pay my bills all at the same time....multi-tasking is a wonderful thing....
10. Old Navy - OK...seriously true...I love love love Oldnavy.com.....i have pretty much got all of my summer gear ready and will be working in my girls stuff soon...$5 shipping...gotta love it.....
11. Any photo hosting site.....(shutterfly, photobucket) love them all use at least two or more of them......
12. You Tube - I love you tube...I just got an account.....i have been uploading videos like crazy.....it is so much fun...and I love the ones where people are just making idiots of themselves......so great!

I am sure there are more things, but I can't think of them right now....so I am going to sign off....have a great day

I'm a loser baby....

Well, my very first battle of the blogs was a BUST. I LOST! 7-8!!!! That sucks...and now...I have to go cry in my Cherrios...excuse me!!!

Monday Monday!

What the hell does this song mean? Do I need to drop acid to understand it? And why is it stuck in my head?

Monday Monday (Mamas and the Papas) Video below

Ba-da ba-da-da-da
Ba-da ba-da-da-da
Ba-da ba-da-da-da

Monday, monday (ba-da ba-da-da-da)
So good to me (ba-da ba-da-da-da)
Monday mornin, it was all I hoped it would be
Oh monday mornin, monday mornin couldnt guarantee (ba-da ba-da-da-da)
That monday evenin you would still be here with me

Monday, monday, cant trust that day
Monday, monday, sometimes it just turns out that way
Oh monday mornin you gave me no warnin of what was to be
Oh monday, monday, how could you leave and not take me

Every other day (every other day), every other day
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah
But whenever monday comes, but whenever monday comes
A-you can find me cryin all of the time

Monday, monday (ba-da ba-da-da-da)
So good to me (ba-da ba-da-da-da)
Monday mornin, it was all I hoped it would be
Oh monday mornin, monday mornin couldnt guarantee
That monday evenin you would still be here with me

Every other day, every other day
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah
But whenever monday comes, but whenever monday comes
You can find me cryin all of the time

Monday, monday (ba-da ba-da-da-da)
So good to me (ba-da ba-da-da-da)
Monday mornin, it was all I hoped it would be
Oh monday mornin, monday mornin couldnt guarantee
That monday evenin you would still be here with me

Every other day, every other day
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah
But whenever monday comes, but whenever monday comes
You can find me cryin all of the time

Monday, monday (ba-da ba-da-da-da)
Cant trust that day (ba-da ba-da-da-da)
Monday, monday (ba-da ba-da-da-da)
It just turns out that way (ba-da ba-da-da-da)
Whoa, monday, monday, wont go away (ba-da ba-da-da-da)
Monday, monday, its here to stay (ba-da ba-da-da-da)
Oh monday, monday (ba-da ba-da-da-da)
Oh monday, monday (ba-da ba-da-da-da)

1st Ever Battle of the Blog


Come one Come All…to my battle of the blogs. I have just issued my first battle of the blogs and it was accepted by LocalGirl. Please go here ----- > to help me win this week!


Thanks in Advance –

Lisa


PS There is no guarantee of a payout or bribe for voting for my blog *AHEM* Chocolate may be distributed at the back door* AHEM*

I really need to get this cough checked out!

Now introducing BA (Bloggers Anonymous)

For DramaMama:

BA a support group for those of us guilty of one or more of the following:

1. Those of us blogging our own lives, feelings, thoughts or minds despite others not reading and telling us it is really boring
2. Those of us addicted to others blogs in such a way that life stops being enjoyable if the Starbucks waiter takes longer to take our order than we deem is necessary because someone has updated their blog
3. Those of us to incessantly check other blogs through out the day just hoping beyond hope that in the last 7 ½ minutes or so someone has updated their blog
4. Those of us who learn about celebrity gossip, new trends in fashion, the latest FDA drug approved or who is running for president not from the headlines on the news sites but from someone’s blog who has an opinion about one or all of the above….and can link them all together in a train of thought we understand
5. Those of us who have given up the hope of a clean home, no laundry, a firm buttocks or other life goal to blog about why we are unable to have all of these things
6. Those of use who have missed one or more of the following because we were busy blogging:
   a. Birthday of a child/spouse/both
   b. Doctor appointment
   c. Hair appointment
   d. Taking something out of the oven that is now burnt
   e. Your child’s recital/other special event
   f. __________________ (fill in the blank)

For those of you out there with this addiction, remember is it a disease and should be treated as such. Treatment for this disease is not costly, but it is time consuming and the withdrawal symptoms could include but not be limited to:

1. Screaming your opinions at the TV screen and wondering why they are not talking back
2. Moving your fingers in such a way that your spouse wonders what you are doing (in your mind you are sitting at your computer typing)
3. Making frequent trips to the mailbox hoping that new mail has arrived and not remember that the postman comes once a day and not at all on Sunday
4. _________ (fill in the blank)

There is hope. Starting today I am going to host a BA meeting every Friday. You can come with me to your local Starbucks….cost of admission is free, but make sure you bring you laptop equipped with a WI-FI connection so we can all blog happily….out of the sight of our spouses.

Happy Blogging!

Blog Explosion

I have gotten on the Blog Explosion band wagon. While reading EC’s blog (Whatever Blows My Skirt) I saw this icon that said rent my blog. So I clicked on it and it took me to the blog explosion page. Ok, so I read a little there and registered for FREE (is there anything better than getting registered for free). I then started surfing the site. How neat is it that you can find all these different blog about so many different topics and never hit the end of the internet. So now, I am once again excited about blogging.

Nothing is exciting in my life. I am an ordinary person, with ordinary problems, an ordinary (although sometimes strange) husband, but two really great kids. (I mean really who doesn’t think MY kids are great…LOL)

However, now that I am once again excited about blogging I will probably be here more often and posting about more random things that either happen in my life or don’t happen in my life. Like DramaMama (here is a plug for you) I make up blogging posts in my mind. I think of silly things to write about, but then figure that they are not interesting enough to post so I discard the idea….well no longer. I will write about the mundane, the exciting….but probably mostly about the mundane.

Hope you can keep up!

Brandy Sued!

http://www.azcentral.com/ent/celeb/articles/0130brandy.html

So I guess Brandy is being sued by the parents of a girl that was killed in a car crash that happened at the end of December. My question to those of you who actually read this blog is do you think if it was you in a car accident would you be sued for this amount of money or is it because she is a celebrity?

I hate when I read stories about people exploiting celebrities when something bad happens in their life. They see a paycheck and figure this will be their nest egg. $50 million will not get your loved one back, and I am not even sure that it will ease your pain...but it sure as heck will buy a great house/car/etc.

Sorry just my little rant for the day!

Sorting the laundry

What is it with men and sorting the laundry? You can always tell who is doing the laundry in my house by how the loads come out of the dryer. If I am doing it the loads are sorted by color (lights from dark), whites, towels, jeans and any blankets or other laundry is done in separate loads. My husband on the other hand will take the laundry and just grab an arm full and then put it all in the washer. It doesn’t matter if there are pants, white and towels all in the same load, in it goes. This drives me crazy. I mean how hard it is to sort the laundry before you put it in the washer. It takes all of about two minutes to sort it as you are taking it out of the basket.

Now, I don’t know if others out there sort your laundry, but there are several reasons for doing this:
1. It saves time. I mean it really does save time because if you are having to fold underwear and jeans and towels that is like three trips to three different parts of the house
2. NO PINK UNDIES. It may work for Sheriff Joe in Tent City, but I personally like my undies to stay white, if that is the color they came home as
3. Lint sticks…sometimes forever. If you are like me and have a husband that doesn’t sort you have probably ended up with your best pair of black slacks in the same load as white towels. No lint roller is strong enough to get that stuff off.
4. Despite what Cheer advertises….color do run and blue really likes to get into yellow’s territory……end result….ugly spotted green…

I am sure there are more, but I can’t think of them right now. If you have any others, please let me know.

You call this FAT!

I just got around to looking at my new issue of People magazine today. On the cover is Tyra Banks with this caption. In reading the article I learned that she has gained like 30lbs over the last 5 years…OMG. Heaven forbid that she actually look like a regular woman….BTW…I think she still looks great. Her attitude about the whole thing is great. She is truly someone to admire in regards to how she sees herself and her body image. It is a part of her and not all of her.

As a woman I have issues with body image also. It is a hard thing to turn off. My two biggest things I absolutely hate about my body is my cellulite on my legs and my acne scars on my face. These are things that no amount of working out, chemical peels or plastic surgery can fix. These are things that I have had to learn to live with and accept as a part of my image.

Having two little girls has taught me a lot about what you can and can not say about your body without making them also overly body conscience. I learned this the first time last year when I make a side comment to my husband that I would like to suck all the fat outta my tush and put it in my boobs. Well, my oldest daughter started weighing herself daily after that. She started keeping track (secretly) of what she weighed on a daily basis. She is 11 and weighs all of 80 lbs (soaking wet) and is about 5 foot…so she looks great. In addition, she totally got her Dad’s muscle tone and does not have a lick of fat on her anywhere.

Shortly after discovering this I learned that my youngest daughter was counting fat in her food. Where she got this from I have no idea, but it bothered me…quite a bit. So I made an appointment with a nutritionist and talked to her about body image in young girls. I knew that it had gotten bad since I was a teen, but I didn’t know is that many girls nowadays are more likely to be bulimic or anorexic because of the images seen on TV and in magazines.

I guess my whole point of this post that you can be the most influential person in your child’s life. They really do listen to you and watch what you do. They are little sponges and they are paying more attention when you don’t know it than they do when you are trying to teach them…..be aware of all the things you do….because little eyes, ears and minds are paying attention.

Shopping Day

Today was a shopping day for me. Unfortunately, I am not one of the lucky Moms out there that can shop during the day while the kids are in school, or the hubby is at work. I am a working Mom. Not that I have a thing against stay at home mom (SAHMs). I think they are great and I give them so much credit because I know I couldn’t do it. However, I sometimes feel that I have two full time jobs my work job that pays the bills and keeps the heat on and then my MOM job, cleaning house, doing laundry and so forth. This job sometimes takes more time and effort than my normal 8-5 job.

So today was a shopping day for me. Usually on Tuesdays I can get out on my lunch hour and hit one of the big box stores (Wal-Mart, Target, etc) and pick up those things that do not require refrigeration. The dog needed food, the cats needed food, my kids needed food, and I am sure hubby would enjoy some nourishment as well. So I head to Wal-Mart, and I learned a very valuable lesson today do not go there without a list. You will spend more than you intend to and you will feel guilty.

As I was browsing the pet aisle looking for dog treats and cat food I saw this huge water container. One of my biggest pet peeves about having three animals is always having to refresh the water bowl. When it gets empty our baby cat will find his way into the bowl and sit there for hours. So I bought gigantic water container. New treats for the dog because the ones they usually have are gone…

$100 later and I leave Wal-Mart.

Now here is my MasterCard commercial moment

New Dog Treats ……………. $7
New Container for Cat Food …….$15
New Water Bowl for Pets……….$28
Not having to change the water everyday……………priceless.

This new little water thing is really cool and now I will only have to change/refill the bowl every two-three days. I have posted a picture here of what I bought….it is great.

Well, DramaMama asked me to post more and believe me I am trying…but my life is pretty boring. Other than writing about trying to find the perfect purse or how badly my kitchen smells because nobody bothered to rinse out their cereal dish…I live a pretty mundane life….well except for that spicy affair I have twice a year with the Italian love god…LOL…j/k.

New Profile Pic

Ok....so I did it...I decided to update my profile and add a pic so that those of you crazy enough to read my blog....which is probably like three of you....can see what the crazy lady behind the ladybug looks like.

So yes...that pic is me...in all my glory...LOL. Actually my daughter took it and a friend of mine "warped" it or whatever she called it...stripped it or something. She is pretty much a self taught professional with all the fancy language to boot....I just call it...Black and White...apparently there is another name for it....

So I have added two new phrases to my extensive vocabulary/slang talk lately. The first is chippie....shall I define chippie for you. A chippie is a girl/lady who is hunting for boys/men, but only for a good time. I coined this phrase after many beers and a trip to a comedy club with some friends on Friday night. Needless to say....there were A LOT of chippies at this bar.

The second phrase/word I have taken as my own is hold please. Man you do not know how handy this little phrase can be. I thought about it a bit because I use this all day long in my job to shut people up long enough to find what they are still talking to me about over the phone, but can't quite figure out what they want to say. So I always tell them...very politely...hold please. Did you know that you can use this on almost anyone....and face to face is even better because they are so shocked that you have asked them to hold they actually SHUT UP long enough for your brain to process 99% of the junk they are spewing....it is great...try it.

OK...that is the end of my rant for today!

Lisa

OMG….such a long time and not enough time to update….

OK, so the last time I posted here was on January 5th saying I’ll be here 2-3 times a week…well I guess I blew that. I also said I would be going to the gym a couple of times a week…and no…that hasn’t happened either.

Work has been crazy busy. Year end reporting, project updates and overall just getting back into the swing of things has really just pushed me to work work work.

Not a whole lot other than that has happened.

A few interesting tid-bits:

1) I have updated my MYSpace account and met a lot of cool new people
2) I have had a chance to catch up on all of my filing and back logged billing for my business
3) I am in the process of trying to figure out if it is time to make a career change

I’ll keep you all posted…just an FYI …..I am reading all the blogs to the left here…so keep updating.

Lisa

So much for my 2-3 Times a week

Sorry for not updating more. I have a huge post saved that I keep revising, but just can't seem to get to the end of it. I might have to break it up into several posts.

I'll get back here soon....as soon as life starts treating me NICE!

Lisa

Seemed like a short week

For some reason I keep thinking that today is Tuesday. I think it is because on Wednesday this week I took the day off to go and pick up my girls from my parents in NM. I think that because of that and coming back to work on Thursday my internal clock is all out of whack. I am hoping that a long rest over the weekend will be just what the doctor ordered?

It is rainy and cold here today. AZ doesn’t get that much rain, but when we do in the winter is usually turns cold. You have to remember also that cold to those of us who live in AZ is about 55-60 degrees. I know we are real wimps.

Today was my first day back at the gym in over two months. The last time I went was before Thanksgiving. It felt really good to get out there and work out some built up frustration. One of my New Year’s resolutions was to get to the gym 2-3 times a week. If I can do that, then I will be happy. I’m not setting a weight loss goal for myself. I’m going to start small and work my way up. I figure if I can just get to the gym that is better than nothing.

Another resolution I made was to blog at least 2-3 times a week. (2-3 seems to be my number this year). I am sure there will be days when I won’t feel like writing anything, but I feel guilty going and reading so many great blogs and not contributing back with something of my own to be read by others.

4th Avenue Blues has become my new favorite blog. I check back there many times a day to see if Andrew has written anything new. He is a great writer and just recently got a new camera for Christmas and has been posting some great pictures and videos. I have to say he has the cutest little dog. He better be careful or I’m going to come snatch her away….just kidding!

I hope everyone has a great weekend. I’ll see you on the flip side of Sunday!

Lisa

2007 - A New Year

Hello 2007 -------> Goodbye 2006.

I don’t know what everyone did to ring in the New Year, but my New Year’s Eve was rather boring. Where I live there is a high incident of random gun fire, illegal fireworks and drunk driving. Therefore, my family and I usually choose to stay indoors during this night. I just don’t want to take the chance of something bad happening that I could have prevented. I know that this makes me a bit boring and I’m sure at some point I will look back on my life and regret it, what can I say…I’m a scaredy cat.

As I look back on 2006 I wonder about what I have learned about myself and what new things I will come to learn about myself in 2007. One of my greatest accomplishments this year was that I have finally forgiven my ex for all the crap that happened over 5 years ago with the ending of our marriage. How do I know that I have forgiven him….you ask? Well, about two weeks ago we had a different kind of ceremony at church and one of the parts of the ceremony was partaking in the Lord’s Supper. In doing this, you are supposed to pour out your sins, ask for forgiveness, forgive others and thank the Lord for all He has blessed you with. One of the prayers that I have been praying for the last several years every time I partake of the Lord’s Supper is for Him to soften my heart and allow me to forgive my ex. Every time I feel like I get close, but the next time the Lord’s Supper is offered I would always find it in my heart that I had not truly let go of all the anger, rage and hurt that has lingered. Let me tell you…bitterness is a hard thing to let go of sometimes. During this last Lord’s Supper of 2006 at our church I knelt at the alter and was thanking the Lord for all the blessings he had given me and my family for the past year. I thanked Him for allowing my daughter to fully heal from a sickness, for being with me through mediation, for giving me the strength and the power to finally stand up to the person who has been a bully in my life for quite sometime. Then I moved into asking for forgiveness for all the things I had done wrong and sinned against the Lord this last year (this took some time). Lastly, I was ready to say the part of the prayer that would again maybe help me humble myself and forgive my ex. When I got to this part of my prayer (which is pretty standard now) I found that my heart didn’t hurt anymore. My heart was lighter when I thought of my ex. I no longer felt angry or bitter or rage. Instead of praying for the Lord to soften my heart and allow me to forgive I was finally able to pray for what is truly needed…..for the Lord to soften my ex’s heart.

So now, as I move into 2007 I pray every night for the Lord to soften his heart and allow Him into his life. I know that I may never see the fruit of this prayer. I know that I may never be able to witness the change that this prayer will have in his life. What I do know and what has been shown to me over and over again this past year is that the Lord does answer prayers…..IN HIS TIME. Our time table does not matter to God. He does things when He knows the time is right and His will and timing is always perfect.

Do I want to see my ex come to Christ and be a Child of God? Yes. However, I do realize that I may not see the fruits of this until after I have passed from this world. God tells us to love our enemies, to forgive those that have forsaken us. I can tell you that from experience, when you truly forgive….your heart is opened to more insight and thoughtfulness and LOVE than you can ever imagine.

Make 2007 Great!

Blessings,
Lisa

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas. Tonight is the night that Santa comes to visit all the children of the world. How exciting.

As I think back on the many Christmas memories I have as a child I remember one very well. Ie as probably 8-9 years old and was starting to doubt that Santa was real. In fact that night I had heard my parents in the hall after we had gone to bed moving things around that were no doubt our presents. Anyway, I remember my heart breaking because to me the magic was over. I waited until all was quite out side because I wanted to see what we had gotten for Christmas. I snuck out to the living room and saw him....Santa was standing in my living room. I was so shocked that I just stood there and hid behind the divider wall in our kitchen. I was sure that if he saw me he would not leave me any presents so I snuck back to my room and went to sleep. After that year, I have always believed in Santa. Even now, when I see my kids starting to doubt the image of Santa I know that he is real.

For some he is the person that brings them unexpected gifts, food or other needs. For others, he is a warm place to sleep on a cold night. For me, Santa is hope. He is hope for all the good things that are still alive in the world that many people have forgotten about. Santa is all of the laughs and tears that are shared during this season.

I hope you all still believe in Santa and he is able to grant your Christmas wish. Whatever that maybe....

Blessings and

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Off Today

Off today

I am off today. I’m taking the day to rest, relax and get things in order for the holiday weekend. I am so ready for my girls to be here and see their gifts. They are with their Dad from now until Monday morning. This is the hardest part about divorce…..sharing.

I was up late last night. I just couldn’t sleep. I got up and worked on a knitting project while I watched Million Dollar Baby. I had never seen that movie, but it just made me realize (once again) why I love Clint Eastwood. I am not as big of a fan of Hillary Swank, but she did a good job. Morgan Freeman is a great supporting actor. Another movie I would recommend seeing if you haven’t yet is An Unfinished Life. Robert Redford, Morgan Freeman and Jennifer Lopez. Now I am also not a big Jennifer Lopez fan, but Robert Redford and Morgan Freeman make the movie watch able. Needless to say I was up until about 2 am. I hate nights like that….makes me just crazy.

Well, now I’m up so I need to figure out how my day is going to go.

Hope you are all doing well and I will write more soon

How well do you know me?

Create your own friendquiz here

A stolen Christmas MeMe

I stole this from Annabel....thanks for the neat post


1. Egg nog or hot chocolate? Hot Chocolate

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Yes

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? Prefer colored, but I have white because I’m too lazy to go buy new ones….maybe when they are ½ off after Christmas

4. Do you hang mistletoe? I did for the first time this year because my daughter begged me to.
6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? I love traditionla turkey and stuffing

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child: The year I asked for a ton of shoes and my Mom and Dad wrapped each shoe individually…took me a while to find all the pairs…LOL


8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I was probably about 8-9…I don’t really remember how, but I wish I had never learned…LOL

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? I used to and my girls do now…but my DH and I don’t…we just buy for each other so we wait…

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? Traditional ornaments that we have collected over the years. This year we went with an all silver theme…I don’t know why

11. Snow! Love it or dread it? I don’t like driving in snow, but I love playing in it and sking…when I get the chance…

14. What’s the most important thing about the holidays for you? To remember that Jesus is the reason for the season….and spending time with family

15. What is your favorite holiday dessert? Pumpkin Pie

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? turkey dinner with all the trimmings

17. What tops your tree? an angel holding candles..

18. Which do you prefer, giving or receiving? Giving….

19. What is your favorite Christmas song? Mary did you know

20. Candy canes: Only for the tree…I don’t eat them…Yuck

21. Favorite Christmas movie? I have a few…but I will say A Christmas Story and Elf….and Christmas Vacation….and …….

Naughty or Nice?

You Were Nice This Year!

You're an uber-perfect person who is on the top of Santa's list. You probably didn't even *think* any naughty thoughts this year. Unless you're a Mormon, you've probably been a little too good. Is that extra candy cane worth being a sweetheart for 365 days straight?

Were You Naughty or Nice This Year?

Christmas is almost here….

I am so happy. I love this time of year. I can’t believe Christmas is only about a week away. I am completely done with my shopping. I just have tons of wrapping to do. Thankfully this next week there are no big events to go to. I am worn out from all of the different activates we have had going on the last week.

Last night my oldest was in a Christmas play for our church. She did so well. She now has the acting bug and I’m sure one day will tell me that she is going away to NY and is going to be a Broadway star!!! After her play we met a friend at the symphony hall to see the Nutcracker. I had never seen it before and neither had my daughter. This was a new arrangement and it was really good. While we were getting ready to see the show people were coming and going to their seats. About 5 minutes before the show started some people were walking down our aisle and I was like please don’t need to go in front of us. I look up and it is a friend of mine that I haven’t seen in months. Her and her fiancé were there and their seats were right next to ours. It was so amazing in a crowd of 1000+ that she and I would have seats next to each other. My daughter was so taking aback by the ballet. She bought a pic with The Sugar Plum fairy and also bought a nutcracker. She says she wants to start collecting them. Needless to say it was a long night and I was glad to get home and get into bed.

Today we will hit the late service at church and probably just chill at the house. My house and yard are all ready for my parents to show up next week. My laundry is almost completely done. The house doesn’t smell like dogs or cats. I am very happy with the way things are right now in my home. Granted it took a couple of weeks to get there, but it is totally worth it. Now just keeping it that way is going to be the challenge.

I have some baking to do today and need to do some grocery shopping. I think my cupboards are bare, but I don’t want to buy too much because I will have to make more room this next week when it is time to buy for the Christmas dinner.

It really is the “most wonderful time of the year”

Blessings,
Lisa

Which Christmas Orament are you?

You Are a Snowman

Friendly and fun, you enjoy bringing holiday cheer to everyone you know!

What Christmas Ornament Are You?

Which Reindeer are you?

You Are Blitzen

Always in good spirits, you're the reindeer who loves to party down with Santa. Why You're Naughty: You're always blitzed on Christmas Eve, while flying! Why You're Nice: You mix up a mean eggnog martini.

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?

From Cabbage Patch to iPod

It’s funny how much of a difference a year can make in what a child wants for Christmas. Last year I was browsing the Barbie and Cabbage Patch aisles looking for two of everything. This year I’m mostly ordering from the Apple iPod store for my oldest. Last year she wanted all things Cabbage Patch. She had asked for a new crib, a high chair and stroller. This year she wants CD’s, iPod gadgets and things that I can’t even find. It makes me a little sad that she is getting to the point that Santa is no longer real. Her friends have pretty much told her the “secret” and I just can’t fathom how I will be able to handle Christmas once she no longer believes.

I am thankful that my youngest still believes, but she is a pretty smart cookie and it won’t be too long before she is over the whole Santa idea also. I’m sure the divorce has not helped in this regard. Having Santa come to two different homes and bring two different sets of “Santa” presents is probably hard to understand. I just pray that when they get older they are able to find great Christmas memories that will be fun for them to share with their family and friends.

I am happy to say that I have completed all of my Christmas shopping. I finally finished yesterday. I guess I’m not really done because I still have a few small things to buy, but for the most part all of the big stuff is done. I am so happy that I don’t have to fight the crowds any longer.

Well, I need to go and get my day started. Loads to do today.

Hope everyone has a great week.

Lisa

New Post...long overdue

Wow it has been a while since I updated. I really don’t have a good excuse other than we were gone a majority of November and December has just started and I feel overwhelmed. I am still not done with my Christmas shopping. I plan on getting the final leg of it done this weekend, but I may have to do some more next week. My daughter has had several activities/plays/music things since the beginning of November and I am tired.

I still have to get presents for my husband, finish up the girls and figure out how I am going to get my house in order before the family gets here. To top it all of, I think my refrigerator is getting ready to go on the fritz. I hope not, but the way it has been acting lately it is probably on its way to the refrigerator graveyard.

I have to take a moment and have a proud mama moment here. My daughter got runner up in the school spelling bee today. She is headed to district finals as an alternate. I am so excited and proud of her. To no ability of mine she got this accomplished on her own. I am so proud of her. I want to write her a little something and save it for when she is older, but just haven’t decided how I am going to do that.

Another happy note….mediation with my ex is completed. I can’t really go into details, but I think we reached a fair agreement. In addition, my youngest has had a couple of good weeks at his house. I am praying that this is all turning around, but knocking on wood….just in case.

I have changed my blogger layout again. I am really enjoying this change. I really had fun finding and tweaking this design. It is funny how you can spend more time tweaking your blog layout than you do actually blogging…LOL.

I am so ready for Christmas to be here. I just can’t wait to see my folks and see the girls open their presents.

Hope you are all doing well and enjoying the holiday season.