Survived…now we wait…

Well, I survived my daughter’s tests….does that make sense. She was not scared or horrified, but I was scared and nervous enough for both of us.

She did really well. They took some blood, did an ultrasound and ran a few other tests. All told we were in and out in a matter of a few hours, but after it was over I was so tired. I think that I was just emotionally drained. In addition, coming off my anxiety meds in the middle of a situation like this was probably not the best thing. However, I think for the most part I did pretty well.

So now we wait. We wait for the blood tests, we wait for the ultrasound to be read by the radiologist, we wait for the other tests to confirm or deny the existence of a problem…then we wait for a solution.

I am not a patient person. Ask my husband; ask my ex…ask my mother. I don’t do well with having to wait. With my first child, I found out as soon as I could what I was having. I started to buy things based on a 65% chance that the doctor had told me I was having a girl. Granted there was at 35% chance that I could have had a boy, but in my mind 65% was a D average and I was going with it. With my second child, I didn’t find out because my husband at the time wanted a surprise and we were so sure we were having a boy. I bought things in greens and yellows just to be safe, but I knew I was having a boy. 4 months after the ultrasound my second girl arrived.

Christmas, birthdays, anniversary and other special occasions can be ruined for others by me not wanting to wait to give the gift I have given or by incessantly questioning what I have been given. To the point that my husband will not put my presents under the tree until I am well asleep in Christmas Eve.

However, the longest and hardest waits for me are in regards to health related questions. What is wrong with me or my family? Why has nobody called back? I know that it has only bee 45 minutes since you drew blood, but I want to know now what is going on. Needless to say that 24 hours after the tests were done the anxiety has once again been building and I am not doing well with waiting. I’m sure that everything is OK and it is all going to turn out alright, but waiting kills me.

I know that it is all in God’s hands and I know that He has a special plan for my daughter, I just wish he would let me in on it from time to time…LOL.

I want to thank each and every one of you that emailed me with words of encouragement, prayers and special thoughts. It has meant a great deal to know that people are out there will positive thoughts and prayers coming our way. I know that even if this is a horrible thing we end up having to deal with I will be a stronger mother and person because I faced it. However, I know that without prayers and thoughts from others I would not have been able to make it though this last week.

Thanks again so much.

Blessings,
Lisa