My grandmother

One little thing that I had loved for doing for so long and I stopped – I don’t know why – I guess I just wasn’t feeling up to it and walked away. Plus the fact that the IT department at my new job loves nothing better than to look at everything that is done via an IP address has made me a little nervous to post anything in my blog. Now does that mean that I shouldn’t have tried to at least make some sort of effort over the past 14 months to keep it going – that is just wrong – but overall – I’m glad to be back. I have to say my life is probably more interesting now.

It’s hard to believe that it has been almost a month since my grandmother passed away. She left this world for a better place on February 16. She was my mother’s mother and was probably the one grandparent that I was closest to growing up. She is the one that I used to call at least once a week to check on her and my grandfather and tried like hell to let them know that I still cared. I was lucky because was able to have one final call with her before she passed and it was a good one and that will be one memory that I will hold with me forever. I’m not sure the other grandchildren can say that. She left this world with 4 children, 10 grandchildren and 24 great grandchildren at the age of 81.

Now before you go and say she lived a long life and probably had tales to tell – which I know is true – she was still my grandmother – someone I loved and admired beyond words and simple gestures. She never judged me and she always loved me even when I screwed up – which is what grandmothers are supposed to do – however it never matters how old they are or how frail they become – you want them to last forever. You come to believe that even though they are getting older and there are more and more ailments – they will over come these and somehow pull through.

My grandmother went to the hospital about 6 weeks ago complaining of chest pains and other issues. They couldn’t tell us what was wrong with her – they ran tests and the best they could come up with was congestive heart failure. I think that is generally vague term that doctors use when they don’t know what the hell else is wrong. We found out later that her heart was beating harder than it needed to and was basically overworked – but through all of that we still couldn’t get a definite answer as to what was wrong.

I have to say that for the most part I’ve found peace with all that has happened. I was able to say a somewhat goodbye on the phone and I know she loved me and I pray that she knew that I loved her. I still have my moments when I want to pick up the phone and call her – but I can’t – she will no longer answer and tell me that she is just at the house alone and that grandfather went to the store with my aunt to give her some peace. I pray that she is with angels now – making them laugh and filling heaven with her laughter – that could make anyone smile regardless of your mood. She laughed with her whole body and was not afraid to simply show love. I pray to become the woman she was and in some way honor her for all that she showed me growing up. I pray that my children will see how they are a reflection of her and that they will aim to be a better person just to be able to say that their great-grandmother showed them how to handle themselves.

We are not perfect people. If I was perfect I would have visited more and stood up to those who say hurtful things less – but I didn’t and I have to live with that – however at the end of the day I can say that I was loved – unconditionally – by the one person who should show you that kind of love – my grandmother.

Bunch of Beer

Beer Feast (Fest) Feast – Whatever – bunch of damn beer – and not all of it was good. Some of it was great! This weekend I was invited to go to a beer festival with a few friends. I am not a beer connoisseur by any stretch of the imagination. I like beer in most forms – mostly pales and a few heavier loggers – but for the most part I stay in the German realm when it comes to beer – I mean that country basically invented the one beverage that makes you go from a 2 to a 10 to a 2 all in one night – so why not be loyal to one country. So we get to the festival and have to wait in line for half an hour – which in and of itself was not a bad thing, but it is Phoenix, AZ in March – during a hotter than normal spring – and low and behold it is sunny – so it gets hot. Needless to say by the time the gates open and the beer starts flowing – I am ready for a damn drink. We head to the New Belgium truck because if you are going to get started it may as well be with something you are familiar with and take our 4 ounces glasses (I’m not kidding on the size) to get a “sample” of Fat Tire. I have to say that I am not a huge fan of Fat Tire – but given the fact that I was parched, it was hot and the line was short – I was happy to down a 4 oz pour of the liquor. At the gate – the same place where we got the whopping 4 oz beer “taster” mug – we also got tickets. I guess each ticket was good at the booth for one 4 oz. pour of the beer you would like to sample – needless to say there were many who would just stand right at the counter of their choice and down how ever many pours the sucker behind the counter was willing to dish out. I was partial to a Colorado vendor that came down and had a spicy green apple ale – which I’m usually not a fan of the fruit beers – but when the guy behind the counter says “Stand here and I’ll hook you up” – and then proceeds to get you smashingly drunk and flirts at the same time – how can you resist the spicy apple ale – YOU CAN NOT!

All in all it was fun – not something I would do again on a hot day – because heat plus beer plus overweight men equals – UGH!

I do have to say Hale to Mark – the Colorado brew guy – with a great smile and a heavy hand on the tap!

Better than Ever

It’s been a long time since I wrote on this blog. Over a year in fact since I have posted anything of substance. I’m sure most of my readers have long since stopped visiting because of the lack of posts and interesting information to read. I don’t blame you – I really don’t. I haven’t made this blog a priority and therefore I’ve lost many that I considered loyal followers and also friends. So here I am pleading with you all to come back. I’m hoping to get a chance to start visiting blogs again soon and leaving comments because that is how you generate traffic – you comment on someone’s blog, they go to yours, hopefully comment back – others see this and all of a sudden you’ve got mail!

A lot has happened to me since my last post on this blog. First and foremost – my second marriage ended. In fact, I was divorced in Dec-08. It has been a blessing and a curse. It has been a blessing because I no longer have to see that man on a daily basis. Luckily we did not have children together and my children from my first marriage have a stable relationship with their father. Secondly, it has been a blessing because there is no stress in my love life right now – we were able to move on and past the hurt and when all was said and done – things ended fairly. It has been a curse because as soon as people find out you are once again single – they want to set you up with every Tom, Dick and Harry they know. Such was the case a few months ago (ex2 and I split in June of last year) when my friend wanted to set me up with her friend that had been divorced for over a year.

I was game because I was ready to have some fun – not have a commitment and to just see what was out there. I’d been out of the dating world for over 8 years and a girl has to try out her options – ya know. So I decide what the hell – why not go on the date – he was an older man (I am 33 and he had just turned 50). I was ok with the age difference – I had never dated someone that was that much older than me – but I figured what the hell. So we met for a drink and had a few laughs. We ended up going to the casino – spending a few hundred dollars at the black jack tables – and later ended up at his house for drinks. I can’t say that I was infatuated, but my interest was piqued because we had a really good conversation and laughs. So we see each other a few more times and then all of a sudden I’m getting the cold shoulder. I thought things were going well – but I guess I was wrong and I then learn that he is getting back together with his ex-wife….ugh the joys of dating. There are a lot of other facets to this story – crazy ex-wife hacking into email – the threats to my friend over the fact that I was seeing her ex-husband – an email directly to me about how sorry she was that she “messed up” my chance with her ex-husband. Needless to say – I’m glad that it ended.

About eight weeks after that happened – I was asked out directly by someone I met while on a GNO (Girls Night Out) with my friends. He was a spunky little waiter and kept the drink glasses filled and the check-out ticket low. So I decided what the heck – might as well give it a try. Now I have to preface this by saying that I was not (and am not) looking for a relationship by any stretch of the imagination. I just wanted to meet some new people. So we go out – we end up clubbing – which is something I hadn’t done in years. This guy took me to several different ones and spun my ass all over the dance floor. We had a great time and decided to meet up for sushi the next week. I got all dolled up and wanted to show this younger guy that I am not old (no comments from the peanut gallery) and can still turn some heads.

The night was going well – the sushi was great – the conversation was awesome – and the drinks were nice. I noticed after about an hour he kept getting text messages on his phone. I was wondering if there was some “waiter” emergency – and asked if everything was OK. He said things were fine – and we kept talking. However, the phone kept going off – more insistently than before – and I finally said “just call whoever is trying to get a hold of you” and excused myself to the ladies room to give him sometime to straighten things out. When I get back the check is on the table and he standing by the table waiting for me – saying he is really sorry – he has to go – and he suggests that I don’t stick around either. We walk to the parking lot and I finally stop and say “Enough – just be straight – what is going on!” Can you guess – CRAZY GIRLFRIEND – not ex-girlfriend – girlfriend as in currently seeing – as in she is having his baby – as in he asked me to go to a place that her friends frequent – as in we were spotted and crazy girlfriend is on her way to the place right now. So needless to say – when MR. WAITER called the next week – I told him to bug off – haven’t heard from him since –

So that is the update on the dating life – I’ll be back later with other entries as to what is going on with the rest of my life – such as having a teenager – having parents that can’t stand each other staying with you for a week during Christmas – my grandmother’s recent passing (it is sad – but there are a couple of funny memories that were made) – to work – to many other things….so please stay tuned.