OK, I’m having a minor setback on the home front. Things were going really well, and then last night my husband and I were talking and some things were brought to my attention. I am just numb and hurt right now.
About two weeks ago when all of this was really coming to a head and we were trying to decide what to do with our marriage and our life, I gave him a stipulation….you want to stay married you end all contact with this girl. And he said he did, and I believed him.
Last night after reading in a book recommended by his counselor his asked if we could turn off the TV and chat. So I did and I turned to him and asked what was up. He said that in his last session with his counselor he told him that he was having a hard time giving up the emotions and contact with this girl. I guess he admitted to the counselor that he was still emailing/chatting at work with this girl. She apparently was shocked/hurt/angry that he ended it and was doing her best to try and stay in contact with him.
I guess his counselor told him that he needed to have a physical one-on-one confrontation and tell her that it is over that that all contact needed to stop. I guess he did that this last week and all contact has stopped….but here is my issue:
I feel like last night he was telling me this because he was feeling guilty for “lying” about ending contact with her and he felt like he needed Kudos or something for “doing the right” thing. I swear I was so upset and shocked. I told him that I hoped his conscience was clear now because he had unloaded on me and basically lied about all the things I had asked him about in regards to her over the last several weeks. I really feel like he could have gone the rest of our married life and not shared this with me. In addition, I was so angry that I finally said that I never wanted to hear about her again….that if he decided that he still needed a relationship with her (friendship or otherwise) that I didn’t want to know about it. I guess she still wants them to be platonic friends….and he says he has told her he can’t do that….I also said that if there are any coffee dates, lunches or “meetings” with her that the least he could do was make sure that I didn’t find out about it. And she also told him that while she is sorry that I found out…HE should have been smarter about deleting the IM’s/emails
He also asked me a few weeks ago to stop the hounding/accusations because they were wearing him out and he felt like it was counter productive to trying to make things work….so I did. I stopped completely (not easily…and I don’t do cold turkey well). I would not ask about her I would not asked what he was doing I would not accuse him of anything and I guess that has got his radar up because he said that I have been very calm and eerily quiet about the whole issue….which is true. However, I was/am mostly just tired of fighting.
Anyway, that is my home life in a nutshell (look I’m in a nutshell..lol)….I’m sorry for the run on sentences and incoherence of this post….any questions/comments will be considered…lol
About two weeks ago when all of this was really coming to a head and we were trying to decide what to do with our marriage and our life, I gave him a stipulation….you want to stay married you end all contact with this girl. And he said he did, and I believed him.
Last night after reading in a book recommended by his counselor his asked if we could turn off the TV and chat. So I did and I turned to him and asked what was up. He said that in his last session with his counselor he told him that he was having a hard time giving up the emotions and contact with this girl. I guess he admitted to the counselor that he was still emailing/chatting at work with this girl. She apparently was shocked/hurt/angry that he ended it and was doing her best to try and stay in contact with him.
I guess his counselor told him that he needed to have a physical one-on-one confrontation and tell her that it is over that that all contact needed to stop. I guess he did that this last week and all contact has stopped….but here is my issue:
I feel like last night he was telling me this because he was feeling guilty for “lying” about ending contact with her and he felt like he needed Kudos or something for “doing the right” thing. I swear I was so upset and shocked. I told him that I hoped his conscience was clear now because he had unloaded on me and basically lied about all the things I had asked him about in regards to her over the last several weeks. I really feel like he could have gone the rest of our married life and not shared this with me. In addition, I was so angry that I finally said that I never wanted to hear about her again….that if he decided that he still needed a relationship with her (friendship or otherwise) that I didn’t want to know about it. I guess she still wants them to be platonic friends….and he says he has told her he can’t do that….I also said that if there are any coffee dates, lunches or “meetings” with her that the least he could do was make sure that I didn’t find out about it. And she also told him that while she is sorry that I found out…HE should have been smarter about deleting the IM’s/emails
He also asked me a few weeks ago to stop the hounding/accusations because they were wearing him out and he felt like it was counter productive to trying to make things work….so I did. I stopped completely (not easily…and I don’t do cold turkey well). I would not ask about her I would not asked what he was doing I would not accuse him of anything and I guess that has got his radar up because he said that I have been very calm and eerily quiet about the whole issue….which is true. However, I was/am mostly just tired of fighting.
Anyway, that is my home life in a nutshell (look I’m in a nutshell..lol)….I’m sorry for the run on sentences and incoherence of this post….any questions/comments will be considered…lol
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