Well here I am in week two of trying to save my marriage. I’m not sure how it’s going to be honest. I’ve been more irritable lately and more on edge. I can’t seem to sleep and when I do it is fitful. I am throwing myself into work, but by the time I get home I am good for nothing. All I want to do is sleep. I think depression is setting in.
A good friend of mine called me the other day to see if I would go to dinner with her this week. I really want to, but it is on a night that the kids are with their Dad and I just don’t feel right leaving my husband at home alone. I know that sounds like I am treating him like a little kid, but right now it’s all I can do to let him go to work without wanting to question his every move.
I have called a couple of counselors and they are both booked until August. I have upped my dosage of anxiety/depression meds (per my Dr. recommendation) until I can get into see someone. Man, depression sucks!
I am trying to find a place online that will allow me to write for money. I know this sounds far fetched, but I would really like to someday get paid for writing. I know this will never happen, but I love to put words on paper (mostly handwritten) and I would love to be able to share what I have written with others beyond this blog.
I have gotten some really nice comments from newbies and oldbies (is that a word) and I really appreciate all of them. To all of you who emailed me privately…THANKS SO MUCH. To all of those who left encouraging comments and advice…THANKS SO MUCH….
While things aren’t great yet….each day gets better!
4 comments:
Oh, what a time to be going through. Sheer hell. The best of luck to you -- whatever the outcome. And keep after that therapy outlet -- it was my saving grace and still is four years out (though much less frequently)
Keep the chin up! you can do this!
And no - I haven't forgotten to email you the links you asked for about writing - I've just been writing and reading so much I have forgotten!! I'll give you a big play by play in the morning :)
Ok, one thing you said stood out...
You don't want to leave him home alone?
The way I see it is if you do go out and he does contact this woman or meet up with her, he is still cheating and you should leave him. However, if you stay home and "babysit" him and he would rather be with this other woman at that moment, you aren't doing anything to save your marriage.
What I'm saying is that no matter what you decide to do that night, you are being counterproductive for yourself and him.
If you don't have trust you don't have a marriage... and it's not fair to put yourself through that. If you go out and he remains faithful, then maybe you have a chance and maybe he'll change.
...And I hope they continue to get better.
Post a Comment