Why Do I Keep Marrying My Mother?

Needless to say some of you are going to look at that title and say what? Why would she think she is marrying her Mother? However, if you give me a few moments I promise you I will be able to bring it all back around to this title. Here we go.....

As a child, my Mother scared the be-jesus out of me. She was definitely the one in the family that wore the pants. She ruled the roost and made sure my brother and I knew it. From my observation, she had my Dad pretty hen-pecked as well because he was always at her beck and call. Don't get me wrong, my Dad is a man and he does he job as far as being head of the family, but my Mother can pretty much get whatever she wants from him.

As a child I grew up wanting only to please her and make her happy. I would do almost anything to keep from getting in trouble...including doing the wrong things like lying, cheating etc. It was approval I looked for from her and when I didn't get it I was crushed. I got pregnant in college out of wedlock by a man that my parents hated. I had the baby and ended up marrying this man to spite my parents. I wanted to prove to them that we would work and that I knew better.

Unfortunately, I didn't know better. About 5 years and 500 miles from my family later he decided he didn't want to be with me anymore. I begged, I cried, I did everything I could think of to get him to stay with me. I wanted his approval and I wanted to be loved by him. He still didn't want me despite my best efforts to get him to stay.

A year later I met my now husband and I thought things would be different. Our "honeymoon" period lasted longer and without kids together we were able to really spend some good one on one time together when my kids were gone. We would go to dinner, plays, movies, shopping so many different things that just helped us bond. I really thought we had a lot in common....however, as the the years have passed I am noticing a drift and now he has done the same thing as my last husband. I still want his love and approval, but I'm not sure he can give it to me.

This goes back to my title why do I keep marrying my Mother? Well, I'll tell you.....I want approval from those who are supposed to be closest to me and love me unconditionally. I need to see in their eyes that they think I am worthwhile and lovable. When I don't get that I plant another seed of doubt in myself that eventually grows to be a really big weed. I am trying to get past approvals of others, but it is so hard.

One great thing that has come of my past is that I do not allow my daughters to thrive on my approval....meaning I make sure to let them know I love them regardless of the bad stuff they do. Yes, they do get punished and yes they hate me for it. But when it is all said and done, I always follow-up with a pep talk and hugs and kisses. I never got that. I am hoping this is a way to reverse the cycle. I don't want my girls looking for their value in men or the approval of others.

Advice for today...........Don't Marry Your Mother!