will tomorrow be better than today? I hope so.
This last week of my life has been pure hell. The only other time I have felt this way is when my first husband told me he wanted a divorce and was leaving me for another woman. Now, all those emotions and feelings are back and are so raw that I just can’t seem to get through the day without losing my mind.
For those interested here is the Readers Digest version of what is going on. About a month ago my husband met a lady at work who shared similar interests with him. He told me that he was going to meet her a few times for coffee and to go over some designs she was/is working on for a project at work. I was fine with it because he had finally found a friend that had an interest in a hobby that he did.
So I didn’t have a problem with them meeting for coffee or going out to draw…etc. Anyway, one thing led to another and one night he spent 3 ½ hours on the computer in an instant messenger conversation with her. I had a huge problem with that because I just didn’t like the fact that this new friend was taking so much of his time. So I began snooping. Which was probably not the right thing to do, but women know when something is up.
I knew his passwords to his email and IM account. I started by changing the setting to save copies of his conversations with her and I also went looking at his email. Sure enough after about two days there were several conversations and also several inappropriate emails back and forth. After leaving the house for a night and yelling every name in the book at him. I decided that I had to try and get to the bottom of this.
We have started therapy (individually and as a couple), met with the pastor of our church and also have been given some really good reading material for our marriage. However, my trust has been broken and I am having a hard time really processing how this could have happened to me again. He swears it wasn’t sexual and that they never were physical with each other. All my friends are telling me to leave him and let him fend for himself, but I just can’t give up on this that easily.
To top it all off, my Mom is having health crisis as well. She had some test run about a month ago and we are waiting on the results of a more recent CT Scan, but it looks like she may have cancer. Not sure what kind yet, but on top of all this other crap I am having to deal with the fact that my Mom may be VERY sick.
I have not shared this ordeal with my parents. If I did, they would flip and I don’t want to deal with that right now. In addition, they have enough to deal with and I don’t want to put more stress on them.
I have missed being able to put my thoughts down on “paper” and have learned that this form of communication is quite therapeutic for me. I know my husband would disagree about putting our problems out on the internet for the world to see….but who cares. This is my therapy and I need it to be able to sort through thoughts, feelings, & emotions. Right now, he doesn’t have a say so in this…..
One important thing I have learned over the last week or so is that Forgiveness does not equal Trust!
Thanks for all the comments and well wishes. I appreciate them all.
For those interested here is the Readers Digest version of what is going on. About a month ago my husband met a lady at work who shared similar interests with him. He told me that he was going to meet her a few times for coffee and to go over some designs she was/is working on for a project at work. I was fine with it because he had finally found a friend that had an interest in a hobby that he did.
So I didn’t have a problem with them meeting for coffee or going out to draw…etc. Anyway, one thing led to another and one night he spent 3 ½ hours on the computer in an instant messenger conversation with her. I had a huge problem with that because I just didn’t like the fact that this new friend was taking so much of his time. So I began snooping. Which was probably not the right thing to do, but women know when something is up.
I knew his passwords to his email and IM account. I started by changing the setting to save copies of his conversations with her and I also went looking at his email. Sure enough after about two days there were several conversations and also several inappropriate emails back and forth. After leaving the house for a night and yelling every name in the book at him. I decided that I had to try and get to the bottom of this.
We have started therapy (individually and as a couple), met with the pastor of our church and also have been given some really good reading material for our marriage. However, my trust has been broken and I am having a hard time really processing how this could have happened to me again. He swears it wasn’t sexual and that they never were physical with each other. All my friends are telling me to leave him and let him fend for himself, but I just can’t give up on this that easily.
To top it all off, my Mom is having health crisis as well. She had some test run about a month ago and we are waiting on the results of a more recent CT Scan, but it looks like she may have cancer. Not sure what kind yet, but on top of all this other crap I am having to deal with the fact that my Mom may be VERY sick.
I have not shared this ordeal with my parents. If I did, they would flip and I don’t want to deal with that right now. In addition, they have enough to deal with and I don’t want to put more stress on them.
I have missed being able to put my thoughts down on “paper” and have learned that this form of communication is quite therapeutic for me. I know my husband would disagree about putting our problems out on the internet for the world to see….but who cares. This is my therapy and I need it to be able to sort through thoughts, feelings, & emotions. Right now, he doesn’t have a say so in this…..
One important thing I have learned over the last week or so is that Forgiveness does not equal Trust!
Thanks for all the comments and well wishes. I appreciate them all.
2 comments:
I am so sorry to hear that you're going through this. I was there almost four years ago exactly. I found my now ex-husband having conversations with a new "friend" and since he'd already violated my trust before and we'd already tried counseling, that was my last straw and that's when I finally decided divorce was my only option to be happy again. On top of that is when I also found out that my mother only had a month to live after battling lung cancer for 7 months.
I do hope that you are able to work things out. Divorce isn't necessarily the best solution. I feel for you. If you need to talk, vent, seek advice or whatever, just let me know. My email and yahoo IM information is on my blog.
I'm so sorry about your mom Lisa. I will keep her in my prayers. I'm proud of you for trying to work this out with your hubs but I can understand the mistrust and the feelings you are battling. Hang in there!
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