I came home last night to a older child with a hurting ear. Every time someone touched her ear she would scream in pain. So I stayed home with her today and got her a doctor appointment for this afternoon. Needless to say she has an inner and outer infection. So she is now on antibiotics and at her Dad's house until Sunday morning. I hate that she is away from me when she is not feeling well, but I know that she needs to see her Dad as she has said that she wishes he would spend more time with her. However, it still sucks to be away from her.
My youngest is also not feeling well, but I think it has more to do with her diet than anything. I think she fills up on junk during the day and then when she comes home and doesn't want to eat what I make for dinner. I guess I need to get a better handle on that. I guess that I am just really not good at making sure that they eat right while at day camp, but it is hard when they are away from you all day long.
My youngest has also started asking questions about her real dad. She has been asking who her real dad is and who how come her Daddy Neil (my husband) doesn't have the same hair, face, or skin as her. It is a hard thing to answer questions like this in regards to a step-parent and also trying to put on a happy face and not bring my negative feelings about my ex into the relationship he is trying to build with her. However, I'm sure some of my left over anger and resentment is still evident. I know that my oldest daughter has asked questions like why I hate her dad or why don't I like her dad's wife. It is so hard not to lay it all out and tell them that he cheated on me and wanted out. However, he didn't have the guts to go through with the divorce, but he also didn't want to give her up. So, I did it...I started the ball rolling on the divorce, I gave him another chance and then when I found them together again...I decided that was it. I filed the final paperwork and that was that. Now, I think I am still going through some of the stages of acceptance. I think that almost 4 1/2 years after being divorced I am still trying to figure out why he chose her over me...what she had that I didn't.
In the process of all of this, my kids and I have both seen counselors and in the process of all of this my ex has been involved in the kids counseling just once. In that one time he has determined that none of what and I or the kids go through is his fault. That we chose to feel this way and he has in NO way contributed to this feeling of hurt or abandonment. I guess that is what you get when you marry and then divorce a selfish jerk.
Sorry....I didn't mean to get on a rant. However, I guess just having to see him today trying to be a Dad to this older child that he was just putting on a show for the world to see. I hate that.
Hope you all had a better day than I did.
Blessings,
Lisa
3 comments:
Sorry you had such a bad day! Praying today was better!
OMG hun, that brings back so many memories for me. My ex-husband was cheating on me too. We had been married about a year and a half when I found out. He had written a poem about the other woman, who happened to be the girlfriend of one of his friends. They had been to our house a couple of times for dinner too. It's been almost 4 years since he moved out and I'm still not over it, and I'm not sure I ever will be completely past the hurt and betrayel, but I've just learned to put it in the back of my head and move on. That may not be the best way to deal with it, but it's the only way I've found. Hang in there. You and your family are in my thoughts. I'm always here if you ever want to talk.
((Big hugs))
Charla
Well I am sorry that you and your kids have had to go through that. I can relate. My Dad cheated on my mom when I was a freshman in high school and it was very hard for all of us. It took me a long time to want to have anything to do with my Dad. I am sure it is a little harder though when your kids don't really know what happen. Me and my brother were both old enough to know the whole story. But it did really hurt our relationship with our Dad, and for me it has never really been the same. So maybe be thankful that they can see there dad as the person he is and not what he did to you. I feel for you, because I know that my mom has the same feelings of why her and not me. She is re-married now but it is still very hard on her when she see him. But she is much better off now. She has a great husband who loves her and treats her great..so in that I am very happy for her. Hope things get easier for you in the future...but you are not alone in this.
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